Divide and Be Happy in America

I have a prescription for how to make both conservatives & liberals happy in America.

(well at least not fighting each other).

I suspect the impact of doing what I suggest would be:

	SHORT TERM	LONG TERM
CONSERVATIVES	Will love it	???
LIBERALS	Mixed feelings	Will love it

I propose the Federal Gov’t. dictate only one thing:

Each State may pass whatever laws they want.

So Red States may:

• Use the bible as a science text in elementary thru high school
• Ban any medical research they want
• Repeal every regulation (financial, environmental, etc.)
• Reduce government expenditures on infrastructure, universities, etc.
• Make abortion illegal (make contraception illegal if they want)
• Remove healthcare funding
• Ban illegal residents

I believe over the ensuing 10 years the impact would be the best medical, scientific, educational, financial, etc. professionals who currently live in Red States will move to Blue States. There is plenty of room and they would all be welcomed. Red State populations would shrink leaving only the older generation.

One group who would suffer initially are the poorer among us who currently live in Red States. However, they will gradually move to Blue States, and again there is plenty of room and they would all be welcomed too. They will help support the Blue States economies by doing the blue collar, service and agricultural jobs that need to get done.

The outcome in a generation will be two classes of people in America:

1.     Blue State residents will be the best educated, healthiest, wealthiest and happiest Americans.

2.     Red State residents will be less educated, have poorer healthcare, face a declining economy, and for once be correct when they think of themselves as a victim. They will be the victim of their own selfishness.

Note: A Red State may apply to become a Blue State by stop being assholes…

and eliminate every Red State law in the bullet list above.

-------------------------------------------------------

Dear Blue States…

We include California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Colorado, Minnesota, Illinois, Virginia, Maryland, D.C., Delaware and all the Northeast.

• Red States get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
• Blue States get stem cell research and the best beaches.
• Blue States get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. Red States get WorldCom.
• Blue States get Harvard.
• Red States get Ole' Miss.
• Blue States get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
• Red States get Alabama.
• Blue States get two-thirds of the tax revenue.
• Red States get to make the red states pay their fair share.
• Since Blue States aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition’s, Blue States get a bunch of happy families. 
• Red States get a bunch of single moms.

Blue States will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of the high-tech industry, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

The Red States will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

Blue States get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% think that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of the crazy bastards believe they are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Blue States are taking the good pot too. Red States can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico… IF THEY CAN GET IT OVER THE WALL!