I have a prescription
for how to make both conservatives & liberals happy in America.
(well at least not
fighting each other).
I suspect the impact
of doing what I suggest would be:
|
SHORT TERM
|
LONG TERM
|
CONSERVATIVES
|
Will love it
|
???
|
LIBERALS
|
Mixed feelings
|
Will love it
|
I propose the Federal Gov’t. dictate only one
thing:
Each State may pass
whatever laws they want.
So Red States may:
- Use the bible as a science
text in elementary thru high school
- Ban any medical research
they want
- Repeal every regulation
(financial, environmental, etc.)
- Reduce government
expenditures on infrastructure, universities, etc.
- Make abortion illegal (make
contraception illegal if they want)
- Remove healthcare funding
- Ban illegal residents
I believe over the ensuing 10 years the impact would be the
best medical, scientific, educational, financial, etc. professionals who
currently live in Red States will move to Blue States. There is plenty of room
and they would all be welcomed. Red State populations would shrink leaving only
the older generation.
One group who would suffer initially are the poorer among us
who currently live in Red States. However, they will gradually move to Blue
States, and again there is plenty of room and they would all be welcomed too.
They will help support the Blue States economies by doing the blue collar,
service and agricultural jobs that need to get done.
The outcome in a generation will be two classes of people
in America:
1.
Blue
State residents will be the best
educated, healthiest, wealthiest and happiest Americans.
2.
Red
State residents will be less
educated, have poorer healthcare, face a declining economy, and for once be
correct when they think of themselves as a victim. They will be the victim of
their own selfishness.
Note: A Red State may apply to become a Blue State by stop being assholes…
and eliminate
every Red State law in the bullet list above.
-------------------------------------------------------
Dear Blue States…
We include California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Colorado,
Minnesota, Illinois, Virginia, Maryland, D.C., Delaware and all the
Northeast.
- Red States get Texas,
Oklahoma and all the slave states.
- Blue States get stem cell
research and the best beaches.
- Blue States get Intel,
Apple and Microsoft. Red States get WorldCom.
- Blue States get Harvard.
- Red States get Ole' Miss.
- Blue States get 85 percent
of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
- Red States get Alabama.
- Blue States get two-thirds
of the tax revenue.
- Red States get to make the
red states pay their fair share.
- Since Blue States aggregate divorce
rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition’s, Blue States get a
bunch of happy families.
- Red States get a bunch of
single moms.
Blue States will have firm control of 80% of the
country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce,
92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of
the high-tech industry, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the
Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech
and MIT.
The Red States will have to cope with 88% of all
obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all
US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes,
99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
Blue States get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red States believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless
we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that
evolution is only a theory, 53% think that Saddam was involved in 9/11,
and 61% of the crazy bastards believe they are people with higher
morals then we lefties.
Blue States are taking the good pot too. Red States can have
that dirt weed they grow in Mexico… IF THEY CAN GET IT OVER THE WALL!
